Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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