Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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