dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
