guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I could fuck to npr.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
