I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
