I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
