I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
wat bout pragnant strippers??
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
