i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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