dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
