On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
