I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
