when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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