theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
