3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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