What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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