i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
