omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
