nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
