I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
