the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
