I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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