It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
