I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
