he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
