You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
YAS. BRING CRAB.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
