In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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