i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
