If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
