I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
It was confusing and full of hummus
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Randomize
