I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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