Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
