if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
