I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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