i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
