i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
