i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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