ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
