Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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