There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
