I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I understand Curling. That high.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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