Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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