i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
