I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
