You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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