My girlfriend figured out who you are.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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