He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
