I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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