I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
