PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
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