I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
