She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
