hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
