he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Sext me about skeletons
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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