sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
