'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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