I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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