Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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