he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
